Soul Work and Lessons

Another three hours of driving time to myself, and I have come to the stark realization that I have some inner soul work to do.  I am grateful for the realization, and the willingness to give it the attention it deserves - even if it turns out to be a humbling experience - which I am confident it will.

It's not the first time I have mentioned it, but it's the voice in my head that just gets stronger.  It's not going away.  It just gets louder and louder.  I am really grateful for the realizations that make me want to be a better person.

One of the lessons I have set out for myself is a doozie.  I have noticed, despite my dislike for the character trait, I am extremely needy for acknowledgement.  I like to be recognized for a job well done, and I do expect "thank you"s and recognition when it is deserved.  It is this expectation that I need to change.  I have decided that my own self satisfaction needs to be enough for me.  Expecting more from others has just lead to disappointment.

Lesson two... I have become oddly self aware of being able to turn a conversation so it relates to an experience of my own.  This, with time and place, isn't always detrimental, however, in my soul work, I would like to be able to just listen to someone else's story without adding any factor of my own life.  I have a feeling it's related to the a fore mentioned lesson.  It's not always all about me...

Thirdly, I have to try to take down some defensive walls that have taken years to put up.  These walls are solid in their foundation, so I fear it's going to take a wrecking ball for the demolition.  I love to be held, and to be cuddled, and to be touched, yet, often lately, I will be the first to break away from an embrace, or move away from a touch.  I am putting distance in between my soul and others.  Hmmmm....

This is the start.  And for everything there is a time.

This is my time, not to start, but to continue down a path of healing.  It will include self realization lessons like these three, and the release of secrets like yesterday's.  It is the apologies that are finally allowing themselves to be said.  It's the humbling moments that should have happened a long time ago.  (See! I told you this wasn't the first post that mentioned the need for soul work)

And along the way, I will learn, I will let go, and I will grow - and for all of it, I will be grateful.

Love and Peace, and a little Quiet too...