Now What

It seems that everyone around me is dealing with some kind of affliction; depression, anxiety, weight issues, self esteem issues, family drama.... I read about it, I listen, I converse... and I think to myself, "wow dude, you got it pretty good".

I'm going to let my ego take a bow here for a second, and say my life is a product of my own choices, and I own that.  I could be dealing with a lot of the same.  Hell, lets be honest, some days I do.  But for the most part, my life is pretty great.  I have taken my own afflictions and used them as lessons, and I still do, and I am grateful.  

I am not here to sing "la tee da" about my life and or "neeneer my life is better than yours".  That's not at all it.  I am simply going to say I am grateful for the lessons - and I have had my share of all of the a fore mentioned grief, but my deep dark secret (it seems to be a day to share them), the thing that hinders me the most... is boredom, and a little something I call "Now What Disease".

I went to college - pre-law even.  Got bored.  Now what...

I got married... Now what...

I had babies... Now what...

I got divorced, moved away...learned a hell of a lot... Now what...

I wrote and published two books - fulfilling a life long dream and accomplishing that goal.  There was a book signing at Chapters -everything I dreamed... and still. my brain said "Now what?"  This shocked me.  It actually sent me reeling for a long time.  I took so much satisfaction in making it to that signing table... I accomplished my life long goal at 33... Now what do I do?

I fell in love, got married again, fought battles, learned... now what...

Gained weight, lost weight, gained weight... and?

Struggled with anxiety...still do some days... and?

Raising teenagers...

Trying to find the right career path...

Writing (and oddly with no desire to struggle with publishers)...

Is there ever an end to the Now What?

Every "now what" was the end of a lesson and the beginning of a new one. 

So, now what?

Auspiciously grateful...