Bucket Of Mums

I decided it was time to clean up my flower beds for fall - since it's already frozen more than once.  The day has afforded my some beautiful sunshine.  So I sat by myself, digging up bulbs, and filling my hydrangea cage with leaves, breathing in the autumn aroma.  I shook up the bucket of mums, and let the sweet scent fill me.  I am so grateful for autumn, I wish it never left us, and just jumped into summer one after the other.

It's a quiet day here.  A good day for thinking and pondering, a good day for clean up of the soul.  I am grateful for my time in the sun this afternoon.  But the reality of it is, in my pondering this afternoon, I found myself quite sad.  As I sat alone with my flowers, I could hear the family across the street.  Their house is full.  They have family there, and they are preparing their thanksgiving dinner and playing a rowdy game of football in the back yard.  I smiled at my own family memories, and fought back tears of what used to be.

It's Thanksgiving weekend, and life has become too busy, I guess, for dinner.  Maybe even not too busy, but too tired of life's complications.  The siblings that chose not to be part of each other's lives, the parents who are torn, the kids who don't know one another.  The scheduled time for the parents that divorced.  The work schedules, the travel.  There's no turkey in my oven, there's no family at my house.  There's no laughter or card games, or excessively warm kitchens.  And so I am so saddened at "too much".  My heart is sad, and longing for a good ol' fashioned family meal.

So, here I am, with my bucket of mums, well aware of what's been missing.  Family.  And somewhere, some how, there needs to stop being so many excuses.