Feeling Useless

Last night the first wave of helplessness hit for this school year.  I don't just mean frustration or being irritated.  I mean the very real realization that I don't know how to help my own son succeed.  I don't know what to do.

I have been, over and over, given a diagnosis with no solutions; here's the problem - good luck.  No one in the position of assistance has added one ounce of what it is they are there to do.  Not one.  It's not that I haven't asked.  Maybe it's because I always seem so confident in finding a solution and expecting everyone to participate in a suggested plan?  Not even the Masters Degree Psychologist.... nothing but "good luck with that".

Last night, with a crumpled boy in my lap, apologizing for not being able to understand, wiping tears of frustration, I succumbed to it.  I do not have the answers.

And I let myself feel it.

And I cried.

A lot.

Then, I reached out, and asked for help - honestly not expecting one person to offer up anything useful.

And there she was.  An old friend, more qualified, certainly, than myself.  A psychologist without small town mentality.  Someone willing to say "I don't know, BUT I WILL TRY TO FIND OUT".  Someone that doesn't owe me a thing, someone that didn't have to.  This is someone who values the different kinds of learning for students.  Someone who saw my frustration from the other side of the table and said "this is bullshit".  And I am so grateful!

With a tablespoon of hope, I filled my own bowl for the week, setting up meetings and researching.  I will change the mentality in this town about the students here if it kills me.  I will not accept failure again.  I will accept help (listen to the angels sing!), and I will continue to ask for it.  I think I may have found some "luck" with this, and her name is Amber.  And Amber, for nothing more than the offer, I am grateful.






.... p.s... I'd post a picture of her here, but she'd totally kill me... so there's that...