Sure, we all aren't going to get up every day and ask ourselves this question. We are all far too busy running rampant through our lives, trying to get as much done as possible, and for some of us, like myself, trying to accomplish everything, but maintaining peace by keeping everyone happy - regardless of my own needs or feelings. But what if we did? What if we woke up every morning, and as we stretched our legs and shook ourselves awake, mentally questioned our purpose of the day?
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"I have learned that you always have to ask yourself what's important now, and have your voice on what really matters. What doesn't matter - don't waste your energy on it, and it's okay to say to someone "we are going to have to agree to disagree". We all have to give and take, but what happens too often with people like us, is we give and give and don't know how to take and put ourselves first. We allow ourselves to get worked up and think we need to solve all the problems even if truthfully they don't concern us. If we can let that go, we can actually find peace. We need to learn to let others, including our children, fail so they learn. It is not always a reflection of us as people, but our ability to let them learn. It may be tough, but is a necessary task. We are responsible for our legacies and happiness, and how we allow others to mold us - some for the better, but some, we must admit, for the worse. The trick is to remember it is our choice what we allow." ...the brilliance and warm hearted lecture of my amica stretta. I love, love, love her.
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What if we woke up every day, and said "today will be full of purpose, and today will be meaningful. I will put away harsh words, and think before I speak. I will tell my children I love them a hundred times today, and I will share a smile and some time with a friend. I will make my own needs as important as the needs of those around me, and I will not feel guilt for my values, opinions or decisions. I will be aware of what is important right now, and let the rest fall wayside. Today will be what it will be, but at the end of the day, I will know I tried to make today good. If tomorrow comes without me, no one will question my love for them, and they will remember me with a smile."
This whole conversation really made me think. And the Universe seems to be shoving a lesson in my face, since I seem to be hard of hearing lately. As I drove along a road this morning, the sky was filled with tumultuous pink clouds, stacked high, one on top of the other, shades of blue and purple whispering hints of the night that was and golden streams of sunlight showing promise of the day to come. As I watched it, I recited the familiar "pink sky in the morning, sailors take warning" with a heavy sigh. But just on the horizon, in the west, was a break in the sky. A silver hole in the clouds, lining a burst of blue sky. A pause in the warning, a chance to let a voice break in, an opportunity to burn up the tempered cover of the day.
So, today, if I had 24 hours to live, how would I live it? A lot damn louder than I have been, that's for sure! So many things have come to mind today that I have set aside to spare someone else's feelings or because they "don't want to". My twenty four hours would be filled with a reminder that I don't live in fear, I live in love. Challenge, adventure, and living every day to be a better person - that's what my twenty fours will be. And the next twenty four, and the twenty four after that.
And that means...
Today I will have a voice. I will not feel guilt for the things I feel, or the things I must accomplish in order to shape my legacy. My decisions will be my own, and will come without an explanation developed to please others. I will take pride in the person I am, and I will not quiet my voice in a cloak of invisibility. I will do what I need to make me happy, and if that means that I have to sacrifice pleasing someone else, well, so be it. It is not my life journey to fix, carry, or please other people. I was born of a fire sign, and I will not be ashamed of my own inner fire. I will find something I am passionate about, and I will fill my time with it. I will love my children before all others, and again, if that is displeasing, it will not affect me. I will be what I need to be for myself, and the impact that will have on others will shape my legacy. This is my time, this is my life, this is me.
This claim I stake is shouted out through a fear that has spawned itself. It is breaking free of my passive aggressive nature of late. It is being of free spirit, and one that will not be broken. If I am surrounded by people that can not see past their own needs, I will set them free from my space, and breathe clean air. I am not yours to mold with your wishes. I will decide, I am stronger. I will choose.
Now how's that for a Monday morning?!
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