"Team Us", Goin' to Banff

I was going to blog about the book I am reading today, as a continuation of yesterday's post, but I am not going to.  I think there will be plenty of posts about this book in the near future.  It is profound, and metaphorical, and a little bit magical.  I read a quarter of it last night - in an hour and half.  Read it.  It's good, I promise.

But I am not going to blog about it today.

There is something else on my mind.

I have booked a trip to Banff to spend some time with my kids.  Just my kids and me.  No one else.  Just us three.  Let me tell you a bit about the struggle, and perhaps some of the past posts of last week or so will puzzle piece themselves into making a bit more sense.  I have put off this trip for some time now, out of fear of hurt feelings, out of guilt of leaving out some people.  It turns out, I hurt my own feelings, and left myself, and my kids out - out of time that we deserve together.

Here's the thing I have come to realize - I do not have a conventional family unit.  My decisions of past have impacted not only my life, but my children's, and I made a promise a long time ago to myself, and to my children, that beyond everything else in life, we - just the three of us- matter.  We will always have each other, even if the rest of the world disappeared, we would still have us.  We are all part of each other.  I also made a promise to, at least once a year, celebrate that relationship.  That means that at least once a year, the three of us go somewhere, or do something that involves no one else but the three of us.  I think every parent should do this with their children - divorce torn family or not.  You deserve time together.

This isn't to say that no one else matters.  The other people in our lives matter very much, and it's not that we want to be without them, it's just that we need to celebrate where we began, and what will always remain. I am grateful for the relationship I have with my children, and for the realization and correction of leaving "us" out.

When I suggested this trip, there was some negotiation of "team us".  My beauties were so thrilled at the thought, they both opted out of birthday parties this year in order to afford the weekend away, and I thought to myself "that's how left out they have been".  Wow.  And so, I started to search and plan, and suggest things, and ask what they wanted to do.  Dog sled? No.  Canyon Ice Crawl?  No.  Anything?  Yes.  "Mom, we just want to be there - just us."  Insert tears here.  They want to see the Museum of Natural History, they want to walk around town, they want to go to the candy store and creamery they have heard so many stories of, and they want to sit in the hot springs.  They want to eat Kit-Kats on the hotel beds (a story all in its own), and eat dinner together.  Together.  That's all.

I am incredibly in love with my kids.  I am grateful for the memories they will have after our trip, and the stories they will tell, and the smiles they will have when think about the time "Team Us" went to Banff.

"Team Us" in Edmonton on our last celebration - September 2010.