Whomever Said "Winning Isn't Everything" Obviously Wasn't Fighting Breast Cancer

Once upon a time, on a day after Christmas, fourteen years ago, I learned something incredible.

I learned

it's

ok

to

be

afraid

of

cancer.


I learned it's ok to cry, and to hate it.  I learned what "telling the family" was.  I saw fight, and fear, weakness and strength.  In a small living room flooded with tears, I also stared into the terrified eyes of determination.

Fourteen years later, I am grateful the person behind those eyes is still here.  I am grateful for survivors.


When I had a daughter, my fear increased ten fold.  The genetics, and the history, and the factors, and the possibility - no matter how minute... I can't even say it.  The fear is life altering.

And so tonight, with more news of cancer touching our lives, even if not immediate, my soul is rocked with this rip tide of emotion.  It reminds me of the fear that lurks in the dark spaces.  I have big tears welling up in my eyes, I am gulpy, and the sudden need for quiet astounds me.

I hate cancer.

And that's ok.

I admire the eyes of determination, and the bravery that sparks in them.  I am grateful for the fight.

I am grateful for science, I am grateful for research, I am grateful for medicine...I am grateful for survivors.

Whomever Said "Winning Isn't Everything" Obviously Wasn't Fighting Breast Cancer