Contemplation & Realizations

You know, sometimes when something eats at you, over and over, even when you try to ignore it, nagging at your conscious thought, pushing it's way deeper and deeper into your cerebellum?  I have that a lot.  I used to hate it.  I used to run from it.  I used to offer it my power, my energy, my identity.

In all of it's complication, life continues to offer up lessons for us.  It watches, it takes note, and when we miss the lesson, it offers it up again, hoping we will take notice.  One of my lessons was to face the voices.  My lesson was to listen.  Good or bad - the lesson was to be quiet, and to listen.  It's a funny thing what we can hear when we are quiet. The realizations can be quiet altering. 

Good or bad, I am grateful for contemplation and for realizations.  

I have learned that a contemplative state of mind is not a negative vantage point.  I have come to love sitting and thinking, remembering, tossing, weighing...realizing.  I have delved into decisions, I have sought answers, found reason, and faced fear.  Not all the nagging voices are ones that I like, but all of them are ones that I am willing to hear.  

I seem to be rambling a bit tonight.  In all honesty, I am trying to listen to a voice, and above that, listen to my own reasoning of it.  It's been months of nagging, and years of heart ache, much forgiveness, and still, the voice nags me "why"?  

Good or bad, I am grateful for realizations. 

Maybe tomorrow, when it's quieter.  Maybe next week... Maybe.