Waxwing Wisdom

So, for two days, my husband has been looking at me sideways, waving his fingers at me and saying "what's this that you got going on? Are you ok? Cuz you don't seem...ok...."

Truth is, I don't feel quite right.  I don't know if it's boredom, or if it's something actually physical, but I really don't feel right this weekend.  I am tired, and I am irritable, and I am bored.  I have watched movies, baked, cooked, cleaned my house, completed errands... and still.... although I don't have ambition, I am so fidgety and out of sorts.  I am very grateful my husband knows me well enough to see it - I think.

I fidgeted, and tossed in my chair, watching the birds in the tree.  Cedar Waxwings.  They are very beautiful creatures.  They are also very social creatures.  They sit in trees, watching the world in large groups, singing to the world.  They send out thin rhythms to each other, calling for company, the more the merrier.  They get their cues from one another, flitting off, tree to tree, resting together, flying together, eating together.  Social interaction.... suddenly I am envious of the yellow tail feathered beauty in front of my camera lens.

It's been eleven months since I pulled myself out of daily social interaction.  Eleven months ago, I was so grateful for my decision that I didn't look back.  I needed peace.  I was grateful for the peace.  Eleven months of healing, eleven months of  repair...and eleven months later - I am envious of social interaction.

I am grateful today for realizations - of my own, and for my husbands notice that something isn't quite right.  It's time for me to find some solution... Now I need to find a place to start.